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Love is an intense desire for something. Something that leaves you with immense pleasure and wanting more.

For some love is a steamy exploration and journey of mind, body and soul. For some love is about being the centre of attention and being indulged in. For some love is about caring and finding happiness in concern for another. For some love is a measure of what they receive and what they own. For some love is about companionship and growing old together, while for others it is about a space where you can be yourself without being judged. For some love is about sharing dreams and ambitions, while for others it is about selfless sacrifice in the background and hidden tears.

But the one thing that stays constant in all of this is the sense of validation that you are wanted, you are desired and above all, you are relevant. Being relevant is key to having a sense of purpose. And a sense of purpose as per Sigmund Freud, an Austrian neurologist, whose work has paved way for psychotherapy as we know it today, is key to living a happy life.

So why do we love? Because it gives us reassurance of being important, of being pertinent and most important having a purpose-whatever that might be.

And love is not always personal or intimate. History has been the testament of love- love for a game, love for making money, love for making a difference, love for helping someone, love for a child or partner, love for power, love for technology, love for success, love to be the best and so on.

What love gives you is a sense of belonging, and when you belong it gives you a sense of kinship and with kinship comes strength, aspiration, desires and will to succeed. Love being qualitative in nature can never be the same for two people. The mistake we make is in trying to quantify it or compare it.

Love is one reason history has seen war, love is one reason families have united or broken. If we focus on the essence of love which is to affectionately belong and intensely desire, we can carve for ourselves a path of commitment, utopic strength, pleasure, affection, success and personal growth in trying to love, care and hold on to the person that you want to be worthy of and belong to, because therein lies abundant joy and pleasure.

On this Valentine’s Day, look inside of you and see if you are able to find a love that motivates you to become better than who you are today, to be that love who takes the time out to care for someone with all your heart, to commit to someone and mutually share your dreams and desires with.

Love has no secret sauce. It comes in many different flavours. Pick one that works for you and evolve with it, because there is no bigger strength than love done right!

By Harleen Bagga, Multi-disciplinary Psychotherapist, Self-awareness based Transformation Coach. Founder of Soul Therapy with Harleen Bagga.

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